This is a contributor post I wrote for the Portland Moms Blog. Read the entire article here.
They say it’s those whom we love the most that are also the ones we hurt. I have found this to be excruciatingly true as a mother who struggles with sometimes uncontrollable anger. And sometimes a lot of it.
I have memories as a child of my mother’s similar temper. I loved her so much, but I also feared her rage. I never thought it might be something I could “inherit,” and when I only had one, very well-behaved child to care for I thought I was a pretty awesome stay-at-home mother. But then my daughter turned two. I had a newborn by then, and was still adjusting to my new role as mother-of-two.
It was at that time that my preschooler’s whining, crying, willful disobedience, and outright tantrums seemed to bring out the worst in me. There were some days in fits of frustration and uncontrollable anger that I would scream at my daughter, slam doors, spank her a little too hard, or other worse things I cannot even forgive myself for. I NEVER wanted to be the mom who treated her kids that way.
When things are good, temperaments are calm, and my mind is rational it seems so clear to me how I should react to my children’s misbehavior. I truly believe that my children are watching me, and learning from me. I know that angry outbursts and harsh punishments are not the way to teach them. I WANT to be a gentle parent. But then my oldest daughter will ask me “why not” for the hundredth time, my middle daughter will give me that attitude she is famous for, and my son will spit at me or hit, and all that cool, collected and rational thinking is gone, and this mommy monster just comes out of me. So what can I do…?
…Keep reading over at the Portland Moms Blog!