I am not a woman who should have a large amount of children. In fact, I never wanted more than two. One is a lonely child, so two for a playmate. After my first two boys, I had to try for a girl. I would push it for one more baby. Only the baby was a “he,” again, so my husband had a vasectomy and that was that.
Except it is never the end when you walk with God, is it? It is especially never the end when you neglect to talk to Him first before having a vasectomy. God began to speak to my heart about children. I read how they are a blessing and not a curse, I read about how He will control your family size, and I read about the joy of children. I thought God can control my family size all He wants, but science still plays a part. Children are a blessing and joyful but I need alone time to think. I was already feeling guilty for needing “me” time with three children. How would I cope with the guilt of more???
God is Still in Control, Even With Partial Obedience
God kept talking to my heart and I kept ignoring him. My husband kept ignoring him, mainly due to the pain that was going to occur with a reversal. We very clearly heard God tell us to adopt AND have the reversal. I thought, “Lord, you have the wrong woman! I am not a woman to have many children!” We decided to be half obedient and signed up for foster care. After having three boys I really wanted a girl, so we signed up for GIRLS ONLY. My husband came and spoke to me. He said God told him we were going to adopt a little boy. So get used to it. I snorted. Hog Wash.
This is clear and simple thinking; if I tell the state GIRLS ONLY, then I will ONLY get calls for girls. Until one night, we got a call for a boy. I told the lady that she was mistaken; I only wanted GIRLS. She said to call my husband. I did. I called her back and accepted the baby. I picked him up from the hospital and instantly he was my baby. Six years later, he is still my baby.
“For I know the Plans I Have For You…” and You Can’t Guess What They Are….
This was the plan I thought God had for me; adopt one child, have the reversal, have ten kids. Done. I prepped myself to handle this. I saved clothes, toys and baby items. I streamlined our house for the incoming horde of babies. Only none came. Five years after the reversal there are still no babies. We saw the doctor, he told us technically my husband has a fine sperm count, 30 million, but a typical man’s is over 100 million.
God stepped in and showed me that science is wrong. He is in control. He controlled the adoption of a boy when I tried to prevent it, and he has controlled the number of kids we have by not allowing any more pregnancies. I’m glad. Not because I don’t want more children, but because my adopted son was meth-affected, and has needed a huge amount of care to become healthy and whole. Our family could not have handled any more children until the one He gave us was healthy.
God has Plans for Other Children Too, and Sometimes, Those Plans Involve You
When my adopted son was around four years old I felt like I could breathe again. Life slowed down, and I started to wonder if God would say yes to a pregnancy. His birth mother had no problems getting pregnant. My son was her 6th child, and when he was four she had custody of her 9th baby. I remember very clearly around that time hearing God tell me we would have another child. Two days later CPS took custody of her 9th child, and called me to pick up my daughter.
I can’t tell you what plans God has with your fertility, if you will have bio kids or adopted kids. I can tell you that God doesn’t care about science or what you do to try to prevent Him. He will still be in control; He will still be God and take care of things. I can tell you, your only job is to obey.
The author to this story prefers to remain anonymous, but I think she presents a wonderful opportunity to talk about how fertility and family planning. Can you relate to this mother? Or do you disagree? What does family planning look like in your family?
You have a beautiful family. I love how God brought forth your children even when you didn’t completely understand His plan. He is so good!
Kelsey Ferguson says
What a beautiful family and message! My husband says he is done with two biological children (We have a boy and a girl.), but he says he is open to fostering. Your post made me excited for what God has planned for our family in the future. Thank you for sharing your story with us! 🙂
Amanda Hart says
What an absolutely AMAZING testimony of you and your husband!! God Bless your beautiful family. Thankyou for sharing
What a wonderful testimony. Thanks so much for sharing it. You have a beautiful family.
funny stuff happens when we decide to tell God what to do, right? i think he sometimes likes to let us think we’re actually in control and then he’s like “okay but really my turn.”
So true! Thanks for reading today, Stephanie!
Such and important reminder – much needed today 🙂
The Everyday Mommy (Liz) says
Hi, I dropped on over from the Mom 2 Mom link up party and I AM SO GLAD I DID! By the way you have a gorgeous family!
Your testimony was so beautiful, open, and honest it had me in tears. I have always agreed that God controls the size of your family if you would just allow Him too. And my friends have thought me just a little bit crazy because of this. A long time ago before we had our first child God placed adoption on our hearts but after giving birth to our first and almost immediately becoming pregnant with our second…I struggled with the idea of adding another little one to our family. But after reading your story, I’ve been reminded that God is in control and He’ll decide when the time comes for the “newest” little one to join our family. I don’t need to stress about this. Thank you so much.
I love your blog it’s so beautiful and fresh.
I love this! I have some medical stuff and was told for years that I would never have children. My husband and I would tell people that we didn’t want children, because that was easier than explaining my medical situation and that it was my fault. Then, one day, I got pregnant. It was a rough pregnancy, but I was pregnant. A year later, I was pregnant again, and now, six months later, I find myself pregnant again. No fertility treatments, no extraordinary measures, just God’s timing. While I am a bit overwhelmed at the idea of three so close in age, I also can’t help but trust that God has a plan for us.
Such a beautiful message! We wonder about this a lot. We clearly feel that we should have three children, but now is not the time while we navigate medical waters for our youngest son. I worry that I’m pushing my thoughts and ignoring God’s though.
Hazel Irene Moon says
God truly has a sense of humor. The request “Girls only” made God laugh. Then what a blessing to finally receive a girl, the sister of your youngest boy. Our three turned into 5 for 5 years. Their uncle Douglas the same age of our son came to live with us. Then our Foster Daughter (family friends,) but the school would not allow us to enroll her because we were not related. The option was to become Foster Parents. What a story but we went through the red tape and Nancy came to live with us. Your post make me smile. Thanks for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.
What a beautiful story of God’s grace! And I love God’s sense of humor…no girls and then you get another boy. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
I do feel a need to caution though that following God’s leading doesn’t always mean that you do absolutely nothing about trying to prevent pregnancy. You may not have meant it that way, but because of my experience, I feel the need to clarify.
I know several families that have believed that strongly and have had 5 children in 6 years etc. A couple of the parents have ended up having emotional issues from the stress and the one mom confided to me recently that they have finally changed their view on the whole subject. They are both totally worn out and can hardly function anymore and have both nearly crashed emotionally. Please don’t hear me wrong, I totally agree that we need to be open to what God wants in regards to our family size and that it will often look different that what we think. And quite frankly, most of us are simply being selfish when we limit our family size. But at the same time, I think we all need to seek God openly and honestly about this and also realize that He may ask very different things of us than He does from someone else. I guess my experience with these families has just made me cautious of anything that makes people feel like they MUST have as many children as possible.
Again, thanks for your beautiful story– it was encouraging to me since we’ve been feeling God asking us to trust Him and possibly pursue adoption even though it scares us both!
Amen! I think you said it perfectly when you said, “We all need to seek God openly and honestly about this and also realize that He may ask very different things of us than He does from someone else.” Who are we to judge what God is asking of another? Even in their fertility? I also have a friend who heard God tell her that they would have 6+ children back when they only had one. Now, they have seven and, yes, she is exhausted and it is VERY hard on her emotionally, but she still believes that it is God who gives her strength to accomplish what He asked of her. Here’s another similar story for you to consider…http://madetomother.com/2015/04/19/surrendering-fertility-to-the-lord-even-when-he-takes-the-baby-back-cheryls-story/
Thanks for stopping by today!
There are so many children that need a forever home !!! What a wonderful thing you folks are doing. Thanks for sharing. Visiting from Hope in Every Season Link Up.
So true that God doesn’t care about science or what you do to prevent Him! I have gotten pregnant twice while on birth control, and when I was living my life horribly and should have gotten pregnant, I didn’t.
I will tell you I have been battling with this though. I just had baby #5, and before I even got pregnant with her I was so convicted that birth control is wrong and I shouldn’t be on it. But now, I just don’t know how I could handle another one so I am back on birth control. I know I have little faith. I also know that God would provide me the extra patience and energy I would need. And I also know my motives are selfish, because my hubby and I haven’t had a weekend away just the two of us for over 7 years and we have plans for that on our next anniversary finally.
And I keep coming across posts like this….
It is sinful to engage in sex if you do not want children. Abstinence would have been your answer. The hormones from birth control pills are bad for the embryo. God DOES care about science. She is the creator of how the physical world works, after all. She wants us to have sex when we are ready to have children. Sometimes we have to sacrifice in order to do the right thing by others.
God is a “he.” And the word says, “abstain from sexual immorality and the marriage bed is undefiled…”
God is not a he. Nor is God Black. Stop putting boundaries on God. Be open minded!
Becca @ The Earthlings Handbook says
It’s great to hear a story in which accepting God’s plans did NOT mean having a huge number of biological children! I feel that some large families are joyful, but others are bigger than is healthy for that family because of too-narrow ideas about what God wants. Also, for couples who are less fertile than average, the idea that pleasing God means having lots of babies is hurtful.
Here’s my story of having a baby at the right time.
Thanks for visiting and commenting today, Becca. I think we need to be careful, though, in assuming that just because a family has chosen to let God dictate their family size, that it is “too narrow.” After all, who are we to tell another person what God wills and doesn’t will for their own life or discount their personal revelation from Him?
Shecki @ Greatly Blessed says
Beautiful story and beautiful family!
We were “quiver-full” mindset until it got too overwhelming, and then dh had the V, too. 4 years after our 7th child was born, we were in a different place as a family, and decided to adopt. We now have 2 beautiful girls from China.
I feel our family is complete, but I also feel a pull to be useful, whether that be Safe Families (we’ve hosted sibling groups for them in the past), orphan hosting, an exchange student, or foster care. We’ll see what happens. We’re looking at another child leaving the nest next year, and I can’t wait to see how God uses that empty bedroom.
Elizabeth Stewart says
What a fabulous testimony. After our third daughter I had my tubes tied. Like you, I never thought to pray about it first. We were both young and naive. We’ve both regretted our rash decision through the years. Now our daughters are all grow and married ad we have five grandchildren. So glad to be your neighbor at Lyli’s and to read your wonderful post.
God worked in such a powerful way in your life, that’s amazing! You are such a strong and special woman, such an encouragement!
Praying for your and your family, God has done miracles in your life and it is such a blessing to read your story. Thank you so much for sharing!
What a beautiful testimony, I truly believe that He controls our family, after my daughter I wouldn’t have any more children, but His plan was different and he blessed me with my son, who know what he has planned next.
Sandra @ Sandra's Ark says
Dropping in from Thought Provoking Thursdays.
Agreeing with you wholeheartedly that yes God is in control.
Kelly Cox says
Thanks for this post. I agree that God is always in control. My husband and I are praying hard that He will bless us with children and have for several years. We can trust in Him to answer, He is sovereign. Still praying! Blessings from Kelly Cox At Home.
I have been searching and searching for an answer in regards to how free will ties into God’s will in regards to having children. This was exactly what i needed to read!! Thank you so much for sharing.
Wow. This is sick, twisted, and sad.
Very true in many ways. Some of these people think God wants them to add to the world’s over population problem. That is sick. And some people wish for a girl because they already have two boys. Gender should not matter. A child is a child.
I have 3 boys and girls. 2 oldest wanted nothing to do with them. I got married to man that accepted them as his own I had 4 more. He was kidnapped at a bus terminal in his home tortured and murdered. We had been married only 8 years. I have been raising them alone with family and friends support and lots of Gods grace. The oldest is now 21 then 19, 15, 13, 12, and 10. I never wanted kids of my own. God knows though.
Because of global warming, we should not have more than two or three children. We can control that. God gives us fertility but She expects us to use it wisely and not abuse it. I could have easily had 15 children but I chose to have only 2 because I knew it was the right thing to do. Adopting is an option for those who want a large family. That way you are giving back and not harming the world She gave to us.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over four years now. At first the doctors told us we are both fine and there is really no reason we cant have children. Three fertility clinics later and I am still being told the same, except now the doctors are trying to find any little thing to explain why it may have been difficult, yet still not impossible. Throughout this time I have been through many emotions, most emotional challenges come when others try to convince me that we will have bio children, but really we just don’t know if its in Gods plan for us. We are both very happy together and quite content it just being the two of us. We have been greatly blessed with loving pets. As time goes on, we keep trying to conceive, wondering if this is what God wants us to do, but also aware that maybe it isn’t. We just don’t have the answers. We are considering foster care, and have always wanted to adopt regardless of having bio or not. I have always felt strongly that despite our actions or beliefs, God is still in control. Somehow this has taken a large burden off me. Instead of feeling guilty for not giving my husband a child (which have been an attack from the enemy on more than one occassion), I feel confident in knowing God has a plan and is in control regardless. If He chooses for us to have children, any which way, it will happen in His timing. He knows best, and we want what He wants, whatever that is.
Congratulations on your big family, and thank you for sharing your story. I love reading of others who also recognize God is the one who is in control. God bless you
Once you realize God is not a he, you will probably get pregnant. Remove the boundaries on the way you think and almost anything will be possible. I have never had boundaries on my beliefs and I always got pregnant on the first try and had easy pregnancies. You have to believe in yourself.
Penny thank you for your comment. Just a little information on myself, I am a born again Christian, I have come to know God personally. He is my Heavenly Father, my Savior, my Helper in all things, and so much more. I would not be alive today if it were not for Him, and I mean that both in the spiritual and physical sense. Before coming to know my Lord, I was on the verge of commenting suicide. I did not know God who or what God was at the time, and I knew if I asked other people who or what God was, I would receive many different answers and still know nothing for certain. I cried out to God before taking my life because I needed to know where I would go when I ended my life, and only from God would I know the answer for certain. He answered my cry. There is no one and nothing in this world that can express the love I felt in His presence that day. He showed me Himself through Christ Jesus on the cross, and gave me understanding that I have a choice to make in this life. I can receive Him as my personal Lord and Savior, or not. I have made many mistakes in my life, and have hurt people both willingly and unwillingly. I knew if there was a better place after this life, I would not be going there because no matter how hard I tried, I would fail and still hurt others. None of us are perfect, and so if we go to a better place as we are, that place really would be no better then this broken world we live in today. Something in me had to change. I knew nothing I could ever do could ever change the bad I have done, and so I had to offer something to my Creator for His forgiveness. What Christ did on the cross over 2000 years ago, was exactly what I needed. My own life, as a sinner, as less than perfect, would not be enough. I needed Christ, He was God in the flesh, Who lived a sin free life and then offered His life on the cross for us all. He loves all of us more than you know. He loves you more than you know. That day I asked Jesus to be my personal Lord and Savior, I told Him, He died for me, I want to live for Him. In that very moment, a weight lifted out of me and I felt the Holy Spirit of God come inside me. He gave me a new life and has been working inside me ever since. I have been forgiven for all, past, present and future sins, and God Himself has been teaching me and helping me each and every day. I still fail at times, but I have no desire to sin as I love God more than I love myself, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. If you do not know God personally, you can. He loves you so much that He died on a cross to be your Savior. <3 Much love you you and your family Penny <3
Jesus did not die for our sins. Jesus was murdered. His murder was not justified. Most Christians do not believe the way you do. But if you need to believe it that way just to make it through the day, then go ahead. However, having an open mind will get you further in life. God wants you to use your full potential. Getting your information from the church you go to is not always the best idea. It should come from your own heart and mind. That is where God truly communicates with us.
I’ll take God’s Word over yours any day Penny. Will be praying for you <3
God’s word is that Jesus did not die for anyone’s sin. And don’t pray for people without their permission bc you will be wasting your time. I hope you get the baby you want. But it won’t come from praying. It will come from being open minded.